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My dad :( Angry and sad

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1 My dad :( Angry and sad on Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:52 pm

My dad visited me today and we were arguing about politics and religion (I'm liberal and he's conservative, so we always argue, also I don't go to church any more and he can't stand it). He's very religious and I've never told him I'm bi (I'll probably never be in a relationship with a girl, I'm with a man now and after we get married we'll hopefully live together ever after - fingers crossed!). Other that that he's not so bad and I really love him, he's my dad after all...

But today he said very nasty things about homosexuals. It really has hurt me, since I'm more into girls than into boys (with the exception of my fiancé lol, we were made to be together ;p). For him they're not better than people who make sex with animals or children :/

It made me so sad and angry. Of course I told him that he's wrong. But he didn't know he meant me as well.

I know I should have told my family... But I don't think I'll ever will. Well... maybe one day. I told them I'm an atheist (about 4 years ago or so...) and they still try to make me a good catholic.

OK, I had to complain somewhere and this forum seemed to be the best place to do it. I feel (slightly) better now. I'll go cry on my fiancé's shoulder now.

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2 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Tue Mar 02, 2010 8:09 pm

Lots of times, once people find out that someone they love is among those they've demonized, they take the chance to actually examine their prejudices. Not saying you should come out RIGHT THIS MINUTE, but it's a possibility that it could be a wake up call. It'll be harder, what with being bi and in a heterosexual relationship, but there's always a chance.

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3 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:54 am

Thanks Megan Smile

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4 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Thu Mar 04, 2010 8:07 pm

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm also bi and in a heterosexual relationship that (fingers crossed) might last forever, and my extended family is so obsessed with making me a good little Lutheran girl, and most of my family doesn't even say "gay", just "Like That". So I know it's hard. But when my cousin and I both came out (we both just so happen to be bi and happened to choose the same gathering to come out during), most of the family turned out to not give a second thought, even letting her invite her girlfriend to Thanksgiving, just like her brother had been doing with his girlfriend (now wife). So yeah, it doesn't always hurt Smile

Just try your best; if they aren't accepting, they aren't good enough. And remember: There's always kind people on the internet~

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5 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Fri Mar 05, 2010 2:01 pm

Thanks :*

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6 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:11 am

I know exactly how you feel. My mom has a strictly right-wing viewpoint (we live in the same country so I know EXACTLY what you mean)... but nonetheless I told her long ago I'm an atheist and bisexual (I never got into details though; while my sexual feelings lean more towards women, I tend to fall for men in a romantic way. I have a guy fiance too and I want to live happily ever after with him, our kids and plenty of cats Razz). She's not really thrilled about the fact; especially she wasn't thrilled when I once had a girlfriend. Now she hates the fact that we're not intending to have a church wedding (too much formalities and paperwork, it's not even the atheism in talking) nor baptize our kids. She tends to play offended princess whenever she reminds herself about it. She can say some hurtful things from time to time (in the lines of "you don't even have a right to criticize this and that priest and his wrongs, you're an atheist"). But she realizes she won't change me and she has to live on. So we're working it out somehow Smile I believe you can work it out too.

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7 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:40 pm

maymay wrote:I know exactly how you feel. My mom has a strictly right-wing viewpoint (we live in the same country so I know EXACTLY what you mean)... but nonetheless I told her long ago I'm an atheist and bisexual (I never got into details though; while my sexual feelings lean more towards women, I tend to fall for men in a romantic way. I have a guy fiance too and I want to live happily ever after with him, our kids and plenty of cats Razz). She's not really thrilled about the fact; especially she wasn't thrilled when I once had a girlfriend. Now she hates the fact that we're not intending to have a church wedding (too much formalities and paperwork, it's not even the atheism in talking) nor baptize our kids. She tends to play offended princess whenever she reminds herself about it. She can say some hurtful things from time to time (in the lines of "you don't even have a right to criticize this and that priest and his wrongs, you're an atheist"). But she realizes she won't change me and she has to live on. So we're working it out somehow Smile I believe you can work it out too.

OMG someone just like me Smile

I have 2 cats and I wish I had more.
And we're planning civil wedding, too (we're both atheists).

It's nice to think you're there and we were able to meet here! It made me stronger.

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8 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Tue Jun 08, 2010 4:02 pm

Eldan wrote:

OMG someone just like me Smile

I have 2 cats and I wish I had more.
And we're planning civil wedding, too (we're both atheists).

It's nice to think you're there and we were able to meet here! It made me stronger.

Eee, cats Very Happy I love them :] I have only one female cat right now (AND I love her to death ^^. She's on my icon), because my appartment is simply too small for more of them; but as soon as I move in with my fiance, we'll adopt another one. (And I'm gently working on him to get used to the concept of three cats. I don't think it'll be too hard Razz)
Yes, it's definitely great to meet people similar to yourself Very Happy I don't feel like a freak. Oh, Internet, we praise thee...

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9 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Sat Jun 12, 2010 2:57 pm

I had the same problems with my parent here, I dont have any problem with them cos I respect their belief, but they cant when is about respecting my agnosticism.

P.S: sorry about my English, I'm spanish and I'm studying it.

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10 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Sat Jun 12, 2010 7:24 pm

naota wrote:I had the same problems with my parent here, I dont have any problem with them cos I respect their belief, but they cant when is about respecting my agnosticism.

P.S: sorry about my English, I'm spanish and I'm studying it.

!Hola Naota! Smile

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11 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Sat Jun 12, 2010 7:45 pm

¡Hola Eldan! XD

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12 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Sun Jul 04, 2010 3:20 pm

Not exactly along the same vein, but my mother is frustratingly...ignorant. I don't want to say this, but it's the only way I know to describe it.

I'm a straight man, but my cousin (codename)"Sara" who lives in Dallas came out as a lesbian a few years ago, and she now lives with her partner and they have a beautiful little girl together. But a few months back "Sara" made the public decision to cut herself off from our entire side of the family - except for me and her parents and sister - because she doesn't want her kid to be exposed to our redneck family's backwards opinions. I completely understand this, and though I'm sad that I won't get to see her much anymore, I'm with her that it's probably the best decision that she could make. To give you an example of our family, I almost got into a fight with one of my uncles awhile back when he asked me if I'd heard that my cousin had gone "lickety-splits" and chuckled.

So whatever, back to the present, a couple of weeks ago my mother posted a message on "Sarah"'s facebook wall about how she "don't agree with how you choose to live your life but we support yall and wish you'd come back down here and talk to us" which erupted in a small bit of drama between her, me, and "Sara" until I realized I'd gotten involved in internet drama with my mother and I died a little inside. When my mother called, I tried to explain to her that she can't look down her nose at "Sara" and say she's living her life wrong and then say she "supports" her in the same breath. It doesn't work that way. Either you agree with her lifestyle or you don't, and if you don't then she doesn't want her otherwise happy family exposed to her family's overly-christian poison. I still can't get this concept drilled into her head. She cares for my cousin, she wants to be good and do right by her, I think she just doesn't know how. She doesn't understand that saying "I love you, but you're going to Hell" isn't being supportive.

I was afraid for "Sara" when she came out, because I knew she'd face the same things that I've been dealing with for almost twenty years now since I stopped caring whether my family knew about my "religious beliefs" (long, complicated story). I never cut my family off, because I've never run form a fight in my life, but I've also made some family members so angry that they had to leave the room to compose themselves, but I don't have any kids, and I guess it's stuff like that that "Sara" wants to keep her kid away from.

I want to support "Sara" but I don't want to be some kind of "white-knighter" trying to fight her battles in her place. She can take care of herself very well. The whole thing is just frustrating.

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13 Re: My dad :( Angry and sad on Sat Jul 17, 2010 8:52 pm

I'm really sorry you're going through that, Eldan. D: The sad thing is, some people are just kind of stuck in their beliefs, and if they change, it'll probably be a gradual thing instead of anything timely. Unfortunately, your own actions are the only ones you can control. I guess just make the decisions about how and when and where to deal with them that stress you out the least?

I'm kinda the opposite of most of the people here XD I'm sexually attracted to both sexes but don't really care for casual sex and can only really fall in love with women. Don't know if that makes me the straightest lesbian out there or the gayest bisexual, but OH WELL YAY CATS.

Anyway, good luck dealing with your dad. *hugs*

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